Marriage + Raising a child with disabilities
“Marriage takes work for every couple, but add parenting and caring for a child with disabilities and that work increases exponentially.”
We’ve been on winter break for almost 19 days, and I’m exhausted. I love my child deeply and want to spend time with him, but long breaks can be incredibly hard and draining.
Yesterday, I was on day three of a migraine, feeling the weight of it all even more. I found myself crying in the shower because where else do moms cry? I was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for my husband.
He had cleaned all the bathrooms.
Washed and put away all the laundry.
And helped clean up the kitchen.
Marriage takes work for every couple, but when you add parenting and caring for a child with disabilities and that work increases exponentially. It’s easy for blame, resentment, and defensiveness to creep in if we’re not careful. That’s why communication and asking for help matter so much (even though both can be really hard).
Here are a few things that have helped us:
1. Really listen. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger" James 1:19 When your spouse shares a need, take it seriously and do your best to respond with care.
2. Pause before getting defensive or offended. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”. Ephesians 4:31-32
Take a breath before reacting and try to hear the heart behind what your spouse is saying. (This one is a struggle for me.)
3. Spend intentional time together & time alone. We’ve recently qualified for respite care, which has been a huge help. If that’s not an option, aim for one morning or evening a week to reconnect, even if it’s simple. Make sure you’re taking some time each day for yourself too.
4. Help each other without being asked. "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms" 1 Peter 4:10
Small, thoughtful acts of kindness go a long way. We should bless each other with our strengths so God can make us strong together.
5. Grieve and lean into your faith. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28-30
It’s okay to be sad or frustrated that life doesn’t look the way you thought it would. Give each other grace to move through that grief. Pray for one another, and love fiercely. Know that God sees you and will carry your burden. You can rest in Him.
I hope this encourages someone today. I know this journey isn’t easy. There are really hard seasons, but you’re not alone.
Photos: @carlysumnerphoto